


Could've Been So Much More

by MermaidMarie



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Rewrite, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 05:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10892634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MermaidMarie/pseuds/MermaidMarie
Summary: In which the story of the 100 falling to Earth is told from the points of view of Jasper Jordan and Monty Green.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm really super sad, guys. I don't know what I'm doing, exactly, but I just needed to write a bit. I'll almost definitely be continuing this and mostly following canon, but some canon is bullshit and I will be ignoring those parts.
> 
> Before they get to Earth. Did we ever learn anything about Jasper's family? Because I don't remember, so I'm just making things up because no one can stop me.

              The Ark was always a little bit colder than Jasper would’ve liked. He didn’t know how it felt down on Earth, but he imagined being warm in the sunlight, away from the stale, brisk air and the smell of disinfectant. Earth looked so beautiful from space.

              Jasper was cross-legged, and Monty lay on his back the floor beside him, staring out the window. “On which planet would you rather smoke this?” Monty asked, seeming not fully awake as he took a hit of the joint.

              Jasper just smiled. It had been a while since they’d played _that._ “Earth,” he replied. _Yeah. Earth._ “On which planet would you rather make moonshine?”

              “Earth,” Monty replied. He sighed, craning his neck to look at Jasper. “On which Earth would you rather have your first kiss?”

              “You said on which Earth,” Jasper said. “I think you meant on which _planet._ ”

              “Shut up and answer the question,” Monty said with a chuckle, nudging Jasper’s leg.

              Jasper glanced at Monty, his heartbeat quickening a little. “Earth,” he replied. He locked his gaze back at the window. “Although I don’t think I’d mind having it on the Ark either.”

              “The Ark isn’t a planet,” Monty replied, oblivious. His voice was getting quieter, more distant.

              Jasper glanced at him again, but Monty’s eyes were closed and he seemed to be drifting off. “No, you’re right,” Jasper said with a sigh. “I guess I’ll just have to wait until we’re on Earth.”

              He knew that Monty didn’t hear him. It still felt better to have said it out loud.

\---

              “What do you _mean_ you forgot to replace what we took?” Jasper hissed as quietly as he could manage. They were usually so careful. The Ark wasn’t a forgiving place.

              Monty put his hands up in defeat, wide-eyed. “I’m _sorry!_ I don’t know, maybe they won’t notice.”

              Jasper ran his hands through his hair anxiously. He couldn’t take it out on Monty. It was an honest mistake. It could’ve just as easily been him, and he knew that Monty would never have blamed him for it. “Do you think they’ll know it was us?”

              Monty just raised an eyebrow at that.

              “Right. Stupid question. Of course they’ll know it was us.” Who else could it have been?

              “It’s not like we’re discreet.” Monty gave a half-hearted smirk at that.

              Despite Jasper’s fear, he laughed. It’s not like there was anything they could do now but cross their fingers and hope no one noticed until the next day, so they could fix it. It was already too late.

              “It was my fault,” Monty said. “I’ll take full responsibility.” He put a hand on Jasper’s shoulder, squeezing lightly.

              Jasper just shot him a glare. “You know I wouldn’t let you do that.”

              “No, really, it’s okay,” Monty replied, but the slight tremor in his voice made Jasper less than convinced.

              “If we go down, we go down together,” Jasper replied. It may be partially Monty’s fault if they got caught, but they both knew the risks. And Jasper would never have let Monty take the fall for him. “Just like always.”

              Monty smiled weakly. He looked like he was about to say something else when they got interrupted by an insistent knock at the door.

              “Time to face the music,” Jasper muttered, turning to the door and taking a deep breath. He and Monty exchanged one final look before opening the door to see the guards. The last sliver of hope left.

\---

              One of the benefits of being arrested together, they learned, was that they ended up being roomed together. They’d spent more nights sleeping in the same room than not for as long as either of them could remember, so being stuck in the Ark’s jail didn’t end up feeling quite as foreign as Jasper had feared.

              Because at least Monty was here. Monty was always there, for Jasper’s whole life, no matter what. Jasper probably spent more time with Monty’s parents than with his own, not like they’d have really noticed. Anyway, it didn’t matter. As far as Jasper was concerned, Monty was the only family he’d ever had.

              All in all, the arrest could’ve been much worse. And they still had three years before they’d be floated. The idea was that if a minor committed a crime, they’d be held until their eighteenth birthday and then it would be decided whether they would be pardoned or floated. That was the idea, anyway. In actuality, everyone knew that only the children of the higher-ups ever got pardoned. Jasper and Monty could count on being dead when they turned eighteen. But in the meantime, they had each other.

              “On which planet would you rather have been arrested?” Jasper asked as they walked to the cafeteria.

              Monty snorted. “Earth. I think all the prisons are probably destroyed anyway.”

              “Right, it would really be more of a symbolic arrest,” Jasper replied.

              They walked towards where the food usually was before they realized something was wrong. The other kids were being shuffled towards a door, seeming confused and startled. Jasper and Monty exchanged worried glanced. This couldn’t be good.

\---

              Strapped in to the seat, Jasper’s hand began to shake. _Be brave,_ he told himself. He tried to regulate his breathing, making is steady and slow in an attempt to reduce his heart rate.

              “On which planet would you rather crash land?” Monty muttered to him.

              Jasper laughed, a little nervously. “On which planet would you rather get radiation poisoning?”

              “On which planet would you rather starve?”

              “On which planet would you rather get lost?”

              “On which planet would you rather die?”

              Jasper’s laughter died down along with Monty’s at that one. The answer is Earth. The answer is _always_ Earth. But this time, it could be true. It could really happen, for better or for worse.

              Well, they were about to find out.

              Monty looked over, noticing Jasper’s slightly trembling hand. He reached out, letting Jasper slip his fingers into Monty’s and they held on tightly, knuckles getting white and cutting off blood flow to their fingers. 

              At least they were together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 100, 1.01.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, some of this is just what happens in the show. But all I really want is to focus mostly on Jasper and Monty.

              “Listen,” Monty said. “No machine hum.”

              “Whoa,” Jasper said. “That’s a first.”

              The entire dropship began grabbing at the straps, getting out of their seats and heading for the door. Monty and Jasper exchanged a look as they headed down, following the crowd. There were a few people talking near the door, and Monty couldn’t hear what they were saying.

              He reached over, hand shaking, and grabbed onto Jasper’s arm to steady himself. Jasper offered a nervous smile, putting his hand over Monty’s.

              Jasper felt his heart pounding as he watched the door open. He looked over at Monty again, who looked about as scared and excited. Their eyes connected as they shared another look. _Here goes nothing._

              The sun was bright as it streamed through the opening. Everyone was frozen for a moment, and it seemed like they were all holding their breath. Until they all ran out into the world.

              Jasper was out a second before Monty. He ran towards the trees, placing a hand on the rough bark and taking a deep breath, cheering in excitement with the rest of the crowd.

              Monty followed, watching Jasper’s exhilaration. He knelt on the ground, pressing his hand into the dirt, surprised at how soft and gentle it was. It was so much better than the hard, unforgiving floor in the Ark. Monty closed his eyes, taking a deep breath of the fresh air.

              When he opened his eyes again, Jasper was right in front of him, grinning, his hair a mess around his goggles. “Let’s run.”

              “Where?”

              “Nowhere. Let’s just run because we can.” Jasper just picked a direction and took off.

              Monty smiled, scrambling to his feet and following. Jasper weaved past the other delinquents, cheering as he ran. Monty caught up as best he could, feeling the wind on his face and letting the smell of the trees fill his lungs.

              Jasper came to a stop after a while, collapsing on his back in the ferns by a tree and panting. “I love this planet.”

              Monty fell down next to him, sitting cross-legged. “We shouldn’t go too far away from the dropship. We could get lost.”

              “Monty, look at where we _are._ I wouldn’t mind getting lost here.”

              Monty looked around. He’d never seen so many colors in his life, so much light. The harsh, artificial lights on the Ark and the muted colors seemed so far away. “Still, we should stay near the group.”

              Jasper shot him a look and grinned. “Monty. We’re on the _ground.”_ He reached over and pulled Monty so he was lying down next to him.

              Monty looked up at the sky. “Yeah,” he said softly.

              “I can’t believe we’re not dead,” Jasper said.

              Monty burst out laughing. “Me neither.”

              “Who knew that those Earth skills classes were going to be important?”

              “Maybe we should’ve paid more attention.”

              “Where’s the fun in that?” Jasper propped himself up on his elbows, taking a deep breath and smiling. “It’s beautiful here.”

              Monty looked at Jasper’s exhilarated and overjoyed expression. He let himself get caught up in it, putting the radiation and the crash and the lack of water or food as far from his mind as possible. He wanted to let himself have this moment, on this wonderful planet with his best friend.

              There would never be a moment quite like this again.

\---

              Jasper wasn’t exactly sure how they got roped into walking to Mount Weather with the other few delinquents, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. _On which planet would you rather hike through the forest with your best friend?_

              Monty seemed happy, too. Which was always good. Jasper liked seeing him happy. Chewing on the poison sumac flowers and smiling.

              “I gotta know what you two did to get busted,” Finn called over his shoulder.

              Jasper shot a look at Monty. “Sumac’s not the only herb in the garden, if you know what I mean,” Monty replied.

              “Someone forgot to replace what we took,” Jasper said pointedly, with a good-natured smile.

              “ _Someone_ has apologized like, a thousand times,” Monty shot back, hitting Jasper on the arm.

              Jasper wondered if they’d be able to find more familiar herbs. Or at least something to make moonshine. After all, a hundred delinquents, no adults… Seemed like the makings of a fun party, anyway.

\---

              When Octavia jumped in the river, Monty looked over at Jasper’s wide-eyed expression. He knew _that_ look. It was the same look Jasper always got around someone pretty.

              Monty smiled, amused, as Jasper stared. But then he saw Jasper’s face change, slowly, his eyes drawn to something behind the girl.

              “Octavia, get out of the water!” Jasper shouted. Monty’s gaze snapped away from Jasper just in time to see something in the water catch Octavia.

              The carefree, excited mood of the group vanished. Earth might not be quite as idyllic as it seemed for those first few minutes on the ground.

              As Finn and Clarke tried to distract the creature in the water, Monty noticed Jasper tense. “Jasper, don’t do it,” Monty said under his breath.

              Jasper glanced at him briefly before jumping into the water after Octavia. _Jasper, you idiot._

              Monty held his breath as Jasper pulled Octavia back to the rock, barely getting there in time as the thing circled back around and swam to them. Jasper looked back over at Monty with a lopsided grin. _See, it was fine._

              Monty just shook his head, exasperated but still smiling in relief. Jasper Jordan, ever the hero. Being friends with him was certainly never boring.

\---

              The vine looked sturdy enough, and it seemed long enough, too. Jasper glanced down from where he and Finn stood at Clarke, Octavia, and Monty. His heart beat hard in his chest, but he was more excited than anxious. The adrenaline was getting the better of him.

              “Just hang on until the apogee and you’ll be fine,” Jasper said.

              “The Apogee. Like the Indians, right?” Finn replied.

              “Apogee, not Apache,” Jasper said, raising an eyebrow.

              “He _knows,”_ Clarke called up from below. “Today, Finn.”

              “Aye aye captain,” Finn said with a small salute. He turned to Jasper, smiling. “See you on the other side.”

              “Wait,” Jasper said quickly, looking over at the other side of the river. “Let me. I can do it.”

              “Knew there was a badass in there somewhere,” Finn replied, hitting Jasper’s arm and passing him the vine.

              Jasper bounced on his feet in anticipation. He looked down and shot Monty a smile. _Here goes._

              “It’s okay to be afraid, Jasper,” Finn said. “The trick is not fighting it.”

              Jasper grinned and took a deep breath. “See you on the other side.” He pulled on the vine and pushed off the rock, soaring across the river, cheering the whole time.

              Monty watched, half excited and half terrified. Jasper fell to the ground on the other side, and Monty ran closer to the edge. He sighed and smiled in relief when Jasper got up, still grinning.

              “We are Apogee!” Jasper yelled, arms raised.

              Monty cheered back at him, full of adrenaline and cheeks hurting from smiling.

              Jasper picked a sign up off the ground, still cheering. “We did it! Mount Weather!” he called, holding up the sign like a trophy.

              Monty was about to yell back when a large spear came out of nowhere and threw Jasper backwards. Monty’s heart dropped into his stomach. He stared across the river in shock, mouth open and eyes wide. _This can’t be happening._

              Octavia and Finn had to drag him behind the rock where they were taking cover, looking around frantically for where the spear came from.

              “We’re not alone,” Clarke said.

              _Jasper._ Monty’s hands shook.

              “We gotta go,” Finn said urgently, pulling Clarke by the wrist.

              Monty snapped out of his shock, trying to compartmentalize. He’d handle this later. Right now, they had to run. He got up, helping Octavia off the rock, and took off into the forest with Clarke and Finn.

              He tripped, landing right next to some bones that appeared to be human. His throat started to close up as his heartbeat got faster. He got to his feet, staring at the ribs.

              “Who are they?” Finn said, staring.

              Clarke picked up a misshapen skull. “What are they?” she added.

              A scream in the distance shook them all out of their thoughts. Monty spun around. “Jasper,” he said softly. He ran back to the river, Clarke close behind.

              But Jasper was gone when they got there.

              Monty just stared at where Jasper had been.

              _He’s not dead. He can’t be dead. We have to find him._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 100, 1.02 and 1.03.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I needed a little bit longer to recover from this godforsaken show before I could continue this. I think I can do it now. My plan at the moment is to just rewrite literally the entire show, giving Jasper the recovery arc he deserved. Can anyone tell how bitter I am?

              Monty couldn’t remember what life was like before Jasper. They grew up together. Jasper was always _there._ Monty and Jasper did everything together, since they first met when they were little kids. He couldn’t imagine life without Jasper. He didn’t want to.

              Jasper was always getting into trouble. He was impulsive, a little reckless. He didn’t tend to think before acting. He’d pick fights with people bigger and stronger than him to stand up for people. He was always afraid, but he was always brave.

              And Monty was always there worrying about him. Trying to pull him away from fights. Reminding him of the strict rules. Talking people down when they were mad at Jasper. Monty didn’t mind. It felt good to be needed, anyway. Especially because it was _Jasper._

              They had only been on the ground for a matter of days. It had taken less than a week for the planet Jasper loved to try and kill him. As always, Monty knew what he had to do. Find Jasper. Get him out of this mess. Just like old times. Just like always. Monty was always going to be there for Jasper.

              Usually, it was easier than this. Usually, he knew where to start.

              He didn’t want to go back to camp. He wanted to run after Jasper immediately, not turn back. There was no time. Monty felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. They couldn’t go back to camp- they _couldn’t._

              “We have to go after Jasper,” Monty murmured to Clarke when Octavia and Finn weren’t paying attention.

              Clarke pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. Monty knew that look. He’d seen it before. It meant that Jasper wasn’t worth the risk. “We have to go back to camp first.”

              “He was taken _alive,_ but we don’t know how much longer he will be,” Monty said urgently. He looked directly into Clarke’s eyes, trying to make her understand how important this was. Jasper wasn’t expendable. He wasn’t just some casualty.

              Clarke took a breath. “Look, Monty, Octavia is hurt. We can’t go after Jasper like this. We have to be smart here.”

              Monty clenched his jaw. He’d never forgive himself if Jasper died because of this. But Clarke was right, Octavia couldn’t walk.

              “Then you and Finn take Octavia back to camp,” Monty said. “I’ll go after Jasper.”

              Clarke shot him a look. “Monty, you can’t go alone.”

              “I will if I have to,” Monty hissed back. He and Jasper were from Farm Station- not exactly one of the more prestigious stations. Not exactly the higher-ups in the ranking. Not exactly considered essential personnel, despite the station’s importance. But Jasper _mattered_ and Monty wasn’t going to do nothing.

              “You won’t have to,” Clarke replied, her voice soft and soothing. “We’ll go back to camp, and then we’ll figure out a way to go after Jasper. Alright?”

              It wasn’t his favorite plan. “Alright,” he said reluctantly. He hated that it made the most sense.

\---

              Back at camp, Clarke announced the news that there were survivors on the ground. That they were attacked on their way to Mount Weather. That Earth was not what they thought it would be.

              The boy Monty recognized as the son of the Chancellor glanced around at the group. “Where’s the kid with the goggles?” he asked.

              Monty’s chest tightened. He knew that it made more sense to come back here and regroup before going after Jasper. But he still felt like he was abandoning his best friend. _Jasper would’ve gone after me, to hell with what anyone else said,_ Monty told himself. He took a deep breath. _And he would’ve gotten himself killed in the process._

              Clarke glanced quickly at Monty. “Jasper was hit. They took him.”

              Monty could not care less when the conversation went from there to the missing wristbands and the people left behind on the Ark. He couldn’t bring himself to care about any power struggle between the delinquents, or any debate about how to handle things, or any arguments about whether they should care what happens to the Ark.

              There were more pressing things on his mind.

              He waited until Clarke started to walk away before going after her. “What do we do now?” he asked, desperately hoping it was the answer he wanted to hear.

              “Now we go after Jasper,” Clarke said.

              The determination in her voice was comforting. Monty had to believe they were going to get Jasper back. He couldn’t die, not like this.

\---

              _The first time Monty and Jasper got drunk, they were fourteen._

_By that time, Jasper had essentially moved in to Monty’s room. Monty didn’t know Jasper’s parents particularly well, but then again, neither did Jasper. Jasper’s parents weren’t unkind, just overworked and a little distant. Jasper wasn’t close with either of them._

_Really, the only connection Jasper had with his parents was that he’d picked up how to make moonshine from his father. Which was how he and Monty first got started._

_Jasper had swiped a small jar of moonshine from his dad’s stash and brought it to Monty’s room one night, grinning the whole time._

_“You look suspicious, you know,” Monty said, an eyebrow raised._

_“Relax, no one was paying attention,” Jasper said as he closed the door. He pulled out the jar triumphantly._

_Monty’s eyes widened. “You brought it?”_

_“Did you doubt me?” Jasper replied, shooting him a look._

_Monty smiled. “Maybe a little.” He sat down on the ground, Jasper following his lead._

_Jasper feigned being insulted as he pulled out the two makeshift cups made of empty cans. He poured moonshine in each before putting them on the floor between them. “You ready?”_

_“Let’s see what the big deal is,” Monty said._

_“Time for a science experiment,” Jasper agreed. They nodded, doing their version of a high five, where they each hit their own hand. Then they picked up their cups and took large sips at the same time._

_Jasper immediately started coughing and wincing._

_Monty laughed, but he felt his eyes well up from the burn._

_“This better be worth it,” Jasper muttered._

\---

              Monty was waiting in the dropship when Clarke came down the ladder, in the middle of telling Wells that he couldn’t come.

              “You came back for reinforcements, I’m going to help,” Wells said.

              Monty looked up. “Clarke, he’s right. We need him,” he said quickly. He didn’t want any of Clarke’s personal issues to get in the way of getting Jasper back. They needed all the help they could get. “So far, no one else has volunteered.”

              Clarke turned. “I’m sorry, Monty, but you’re not going either.”

              “Like hell I’m not,” Monty said, incredulous. He wasn’t about to trust strangers here. It was Jasper’s life at stake. “Jasper’s my best friend.”

              “You’re too important,” Clarke replied. Her voice was even and steady. “You were raised on farm station and recruited by engineering.”

              Monty clenched his jaw. That didn’t mean a thing to him at that moment. “So?”

              “So, food and communication. What’s up here,” Clarke said, gesturing to Monty’s forehead. “Is going to save us all. You figure out how to talk to the Ark, and I’ll bring Jasper back.”

              _You better,_ Monty thought as she began to walk away. He curled and uncurled his fist. He was going to have to seriously calm down if he could even begin to try to figure out how to talk to the Ark. So much of the drop ship was destroyed or damaged, and Monty was barely thinking straight as it was.

              “Hey, you ready?” Clarke asked Finn in the doorway.

              “I’m not going anywhere,” he replied. “And neither should any of you. That spear was thrown with pinpoint accuracy from 300 feet.”

              Monty narrowed his eyes. Like that mattered. Even if he wasn’t biased here because it was Jasper, it was someone’s _life._ If there was a chance they could be saved, shouldn’t someone try? “So what, we let Jasper die?” he asked.

              “That’s not gonna happen,” Clarke told Monty quickly. She turned back to Finn. “You think you’re such an adventurer, but you’re really just a coward.”

              “It’s not an _adventure,_ Clarke, it’s a suicide mission,” Finn replied.

              Clarke just walked past him without saying a word, Wells following closely behind.

              Monty felt anger prickling beneath his skin, but more than anything, he was just upset. Sad, anxious, lost. He wanted his best friend back. And he couldn’t stand hearing people talk like Jasper didn’t matter. These people didn’t know Jasper. They didn’t know what he was worth. And Monty would feel sorry for them if they never got to find out.

              He took a few steps towards Finn, trying to steady himself. “Jasper looked up to you,” he said quietly.

              Finn didn’t reply, and Monty didn’t want to talk anyway. He didn’t want to hear someone justify leaving his best friend to die. Instead, he turned away, desperately hoping to find a way to distract himself as he waited for Clarke to get back.

\---

              On the upper floor of the dropship, Monty was tinkering with the communications, trying to find a way to contact the Ark. He wanted to contact his parents, but it was hard to concentrate. He was relatively confident about his parents’ safety. It was Jasper that was stuck in his mind.

              He looked up as Octavia came up the ladder, talk to a guy that was just out of Monty’s line of sight. He bit his tongue, realizing that they had no idea he was there. It looked like it was about to turn into an argument when the door slammed and locked.

              Octavia pounded down, yelling to the guy. “Is this all you got? They locked me under the floor for sixteen years, just for being born! This is nothing.”

              Monty cleared his throat. His usually endless patience from growing up with Jasper was wearing thin. “You want to keep it down? I’m trying to concentrate.”

              “Monty,” Octavia said. “Hey.”

              Monty gave a nod in greeting in return.

              Octavia walked over to where he was sitting. “What are you doing?”

              “Trying to figure out a way to contact the Ark,” he replied. “Let them know we’re alive. That it’s safe to come down.”

              Octavia sat down next to him, looking at what he was doing. “Do you really want to? I mean, they’re the ones that locked us all up.”

              Monty sighed. “My parents are up there.”

              “Anything I can do to help?” she asked.

              He looked at her, a little skeptical. He gestured to her wristband. “Can I take that? See if I can reverse the signal or something.”

              Octavia nodded, sticking out her wrist for him. She looked awkward for a moment, like she wanted to say something. “I tried to go with them, too,” she blurted out quickly. “To go get Jasper, I mean.”

              Monty smiled a little. “I’m sure he’d love to hear that.”

              Octavia let out a short laugh. She shook her head. “I’m really sorry. I can only imagine how I’d feel if it had been Bellamy who was taken.”

              “Yeah. He’s not my brother,” Monty said as he fiddled with Octavia’s wristband. “But he’s always been there. Every memory I have, there’s Jasper.” He paused, feeling the reality of the situation settle in all over again. “I should be out there.”

              “You’re not gonna cry, are you?” Octavia said, teasing in her voice.

              “Shut up,” Monty replied, trying to be good-humored. He gestured back to her wristband. “You sure about this? Your brother won’t approve of you helping us contact the Ark.”

              Octavia nodded. “Let’s just do this.”

              Monty waited for her to brace herself before prying it off her wrist. The lights flickered out and Monty felt the disappointment hit. “It’s dead,” he said with a sigh.

              There was a sound at the door, and it opened. The guy from earlier looked over at Octavia and Monty noticed her perk up.

              “Go on,” he said with a smile. “I’ll be fine. Work to do.”

              Octavia smiled, jumping up and heading for the ladder. She hesitated just a moment before turning back. “Hey, Monty? Jasper would understand why you stayed.”

              Monty tried to smile. Of course he would understand. It didn’t make Monty feel any less guilty.

_\---_

_Jasper lay on the floor as Monty leaned against the wall._

_“The room is spinning,” Jasper mumbled._

_“A little goes a long way,” Monty replied. “We’ll have to remember that for next time.”_

_“I think I had more than you,” Jasper said._

_“Or you’re a lightweight,” Monty replied with a smirk._

_Jasper half-heartedly tossed his empty cup towards Monty, missing by several feet. “Don’t be mean, I’m suffering.”_

_“Whining, you mean,” Monty replied, pulling himself up and going over to Jasper. He sat cross-legged on the floor, watching Jasper slowly close his eyes. “Doing alright there?”_

_Jasper opened his eyes again, giving a dopey, tired smile. “I’m great.”_

_“Yeah, you seem like it,” Monty replied, teasing. But he also felt the floor pulling him down and his eyelids getting heavier._

_Jasper seemed like he could tell. “Lie down next to me,” he said. “The ceiling is great.”_

_“Only because you asked,” Monty replied, letting himself collapse to the ground._

_“Whatever you say,” Jasper replied with a content sigh._

_“On which planet would you rather get drunk?” Monty asked, trying to keep his eyes open as the ceiling swirled._

_“I don’t know, this is pretty fun,” Jasper replied, his voice getting softer._

_“Yeah,” Monty said, smiling. “Earth has something to live up to.” He felt warm, happy. He couldn’t tell how much of it was the alcohol and how much of it was Jasper._

_“Earth’s got nothing on you,” Jasper said, almost inaudible._

_Monty glanced over at him. Jasper eyes were closed. “Are you passing out?”_

_Jasper mumbled something incoherent in response. Monty smiled. He stretched towards his bed to pull the threadbare blanket onto the floor, trying to throw it over both himself and Jasper. It barely reached, but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t cold._

_He let his eyes close, feeling like he was sinking into the floor. Jasper was right, the room was spinning._

\---

              “They’re back!” Monty heard someone shout from outside the dropship. His heart started pounding.

              He scrambled to his feet, almost tripping as he ran to the tarps covering the entrance, shoving them aside to jump to the ground. He slowed to a stop when he saw Finn and Wells carrying a bloody and unconscious Jasper.

              Maybe it was for the best that he hadn’t gone with them. Monty was fairly level headed, but that sight might’ve made him fall apart on the spot.

              “Is he…” he started, not able to force himself to finish the question.

              “He’s alive,” Clarke replied, and Monty had never heard such an amazing sentence in his life.

              Monty followed them inside while Clarke shouted orders asking for bandages. Wells and Finn lay Jasper down, and Monty watched as his head fell limply to the side, his arm hanging loosely.

              Monty approached cautiously. Clarke had said Jasper was alive, but he barely looked it. He moaned softly in pain and Monty felt an ache in his chest, right about where the spear had hit Jasper.

\---

              Monty sat on the floor a few feet away as Clarke checked Jasper’s pulse, looking grim. He didn’t want to hear what was wrong. He didn’t want to hear Jasper’s chances of survival.

              Jasper let out an unconscious groan, and someone shouted from down the ladder to keep it down.

              “Don’t listen to them,” Monty heard Clarke murmur to Jasper. “You’re going to make it through this. I promise.”

              Jasper moaned out in pain again, and another shout came. “Can he just die already?”

              Monty wanted to be angry, but he couldn’t find the energy. It hurt him to see Jasper like this. It hurt him to hear the lack of compassion people had for his best friend. He could barely sleep, let alone find it in him to be angry at a stranger.

              “I’m gonna get clean water,” Clarke said, getting up. “Keep an eye on him.”

              Monty moved across the floor to where Jasper was lying as Clarke climbed down the stairs. He stared down at Jasper’s face, noticing how pale he’d gotten. He swallowed his feelings, trying to keep himself calm.

              Jasper wasn’t going to die. He couldn’t. Monty had to believe he’d make it through this.

              He brushed Jasper’s hair off his forehead. “You better not die,” he whispered. “We _just_ made it to Earth. Your timing sucks.”

              Jasper just moaned in pain again.

              “You’ll be okay,” Monty said, his voice shaking a little. “Just hold on. You’ll be fine.”

              Jasper’s breathing was heavy and unsteady. Monty sighed. It was going to be a long night.

              He stayed close, tinkering with various electronics and trying to get something useful to come out of it. It was an effective enough distraction- he even dozed off a few times.

              Clarke and Finn came and went, checking Jasper’s wounds and talking in hushed voices.

              At one point the next morning, Monty heard Clarke sigh. “This is infected. He could be septic,” she told Finn.

              Monty looked up. He didn’t like the sound of that. His eyes were immediately drawn to Jasper’s arm, which seemed to be shaking a little. He hadn’t stopped making noises of pain, not once through the night.

              Monty knew it wasn’t looking good. He could tell that it might be getting to the point where people wanted to give up on Jasper and accept his death, like they couldn’t do a thing about it.

              “Any progress on using the wristbands to contact the Ark?” Clarke asked.

              Monty barely heard her. He clenched his jaw. Monty wasn’t under any illusions that Jasper’s recovery would be easy. He was really hurt. He wasn’t even really _there._

              But like hell was Monty going to let people give up on him.

              “ _Monty,”_ Clarke almost snapped.

              Monty flicked his gaze up to her and took a breath. “That would be a firm no,” he replied evenly.

              Wells came up the ladder, a little hesitantly. “How’s he doing?”

              “How does it _look_ like he’s doing, Wells?” Clarke replied sharply.

              Monty had stopped listening, staring at Jasper again. The blood and the sweat and the moans of pain were getting to be too much. Monty just wanted to tell Jasper that it would be alright, not even knowing if it would, but Jasper wouldn’t even hear him.

              Monty couldn’t remember ever being this scared before.

              “Hold him down,” Monty heard Clarke tell Wells and Finn.

              He straightened up, his shoulders tensing until it hurt. “I’m not gonna like this, am I?”

              Jasper’s screaming drew some attention. It was loud and raw and hard to ignore. Octavia and Bellamy were there in minutes. Bellamy didn’t waste any time with tact or compassion, and Clarke didn’t hesitate to disagree with him.

              Monty didn’t really want to hear people debate whether Jasper was worth saving.

              “Kid’s a goner,” Bellamy said.

              “If I say there’s hope, there’s hope,” Clarke told Octavia.

              “You don’t have the guts to make the hard choices. I do,” Bellamy said, his voice cold and authoritative. “He’s been like this for three days. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’ll kill him myself.”

              Monty wanted to argue. He wanted to defend Jasper. But he bit his tongue as Bellamy left. It was Jasper who had always been the impulsive one, the argumentative one. Monty was the responsible, even-tempered one.

              “Power-hungry, self-serving jackass,” Monty said quietly as Bellamy left earshot, his voice full of venom. “He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”

              His eyes fell back on Jasper. Why did it have to be _him?_

\---

_Monty blinked awake when the lights came on automatically, indicating the start of the day. The Ark’s lights were on a timer, letting people know when the days started and ended, giving some sense of a schedule to the lack of a sunrise or sunset._

_Monty had never minded it until that moment, when the harsh fluorescent lights of Agro Station hit him. His head throbbed._

_Jasper groaned next to him, rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the blanket. “Are those lights brighter than usual?”_

_“I think so,” Monty sighed, rubbing his eyes._

_“Is this what a hangover feels like?” Jasper said. “I don’t know if it’s worth it.”_

_Monty’s stomach turned. “Next time. Next time we’ll remember.”_

_“Next time,” Jasper agreed._

_They didn’t move for several minutes, both covering their eyes as best they could._

_Eventually, Monty sighed, pulling himself up. He felt like someone was taking a pickaxe to his forehead. “Come on, we should get up,” he said, pressing his palm into his forehead._

_“I don’t want to,” Jasper whined._

_“Let’s get breakfast. We’ll feel better,” Monty replied, nudging Jasper’s arm._

_“I don’t believe you,” he said._

_Monty sighed. “Do you want me to bring you something?”_

_Jasper glanced up from the blanket. “Could you?”_

_He rolled his eyes, getting to his feet. “Yeah, sure.”_

_“Thank you,” Jasper replied, his voice muffled as he pressed his face back into the blanket._

_Monty was almost annoyed, but he found himself smiling affectionately as he left the room._

\---

              When the fog came in and the rest of the delinquents rushed back into the dropship, Monty felt himself fill with dread. People were losing their patience with Jasper’s pain. And if they lost their ability to distance themselves from the noise, they might try something.

              And Monty didn’t know how to protect Jasper. Not this time.

              Octavia looked at Monty with wide eyes. “Monty, my brother’s out there,” she said urgently.

              _I’m not sure that in here is much better._ Monty swallowed, trying to look at Octavia with comfort and sincerity. “He’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine.”

              He didn’t sleep. He stayed up, tense, switching between watching Jasper and watching the rest of the delinquents, wary. He didn’t know these people. He couldn’t risk putting any trust in them.

              They proved him right during the night.

              “Okay, that’s it,” Murphy said. “Kid’s dying anyway. I’m just getting it over with.”

              He stood up, and Monty moved quickly. He scrambled up the ladder. “Murphy’s gonna kill Jasper,” he called over to Octavia, who was taking her turn watching him.

              He pulled the door closed behind him before Murphy could get up there. He and Octavia blocked off the door as Murphy pounded on the other side, yelling.

              Octavia looked up at Monty, a little panicked. “What are we supposed to do?”

              “He can’t get in,” Monty said, half to himself. “It’ll be fine. We just have to get through the night.”

              She looked over as Jasper, seeming uneasy and uncertain. Monty wasn’t exactly confident either. The night was long, and stressful, and Monty was completely drained.

\---

              Monty was just about overwhelmed with relief when Clarke finally got back with the medicine. She made the seaweed into a tea and Monty was kneeling at Jasper’s side as she slowly fed it to him.

              The only thing left to do was wait and hope that it worked.

              Finn had brought some whiskey back from the excursion, he and Monty and Octavia sitting around sipping it as they waited for Jasper for get better.

              Monty coughed as he took a sip. “Smooth,” he said.

              He remembered the first time he and Jasper had gotten drunk together, how they both wound up passing out in his room because the moonshine was stronger than they’d realized.

              It was a fun night. Monty had so many memories of fun nights with Jasper.

              He passed the bottle to Octavia.

              “Disgusting. Love it,” she said after taking a swig. She passed the bottle to Finn, and as he brought the bottle to his lips, they heard a voice from across the room.

              “Can I, uh, get a hit of that?” Jasper said weakly.

              “Jasper!” Monty said, jumping to his feet and scrambling over to him. He knelt next to Jasper, staring at him like it was the last time he could.

              It was so good to see his eyes open. See his smile, however faint. Monty couldn’t remember ever feeling quite this relieved. He grasped Jasper’s hand tightly, and Jasper looked up to smile at him. Monty couldn't stop himself from grinning like crazy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 100, 1.04.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still pretty sad about season 4 of the show. In case anyone was wondering. Real bitter about how Jasper's final arc was handled. Hopefully this story will be cathartic to write. Right now, I'm just having a bit of trouble with rewatching the first season.

              Jasper didn’t remember much other than the searing, all-consuming pain. He couldn’t bring himself to pay much attention to the people dragging him and tying him up when he was in so much pain that he could barely breathe.

              The only thought he had was that he wished he would die faster to get it over with. This kind of pain wasn’t worth it. It didn’t feel like he’d ever feel better. He couldn’t remember or imagine what it felt like to be able to think of anything else.

              It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to exist. He didn’t want to do this anymore.

              He didn’t know how long it had been. He felt like he existed outside of time, in some sort of limbo where there was only pain and sharp voices crowding around him.

              He wanted to tell them to let him die, but he couldn’t speak.

              As with most things in life, it passed. Jasper’s pain receded enough that he could focus on other things, that he could hear and see and smell. He heard Monty’s voice from across the room. That was enough to anchor him back into reality, make him remember that the pain wasn’t worth dying over.

              He heard mumblings about whiskey, his eyes fluttering open enough to see people passing a bottle around on the other side of the room. “Can I, uh, get a hit of that?” he managed to get out.

              Monty called his name, and he and Octavia and Finn all rushed over to gather around Jasper. Monty grasped his hand and Jasper tried to smile.

              “Was that a dream or did I get speared?” Jasper asked. Monty gripped his hand a little tighter.

              “You’ll have a very impressive scar to prove it,” Clarke said, walking over.

              “My savior,” Jasper said, smiling.

              “Thank you for not dying,” Clarke replied, leaning down. “I don’t think I could’ve taken that today.”

              Jasper wanted to laugh. “I’ll try not to die tomorrow, too, if that’s cool.”

              He saw Monty grin at him and he smiled back, happy to see his best friend, as he drifted back to sleep. This time, he dreamt of something other than the pain or dying.

\---

              When Jasper woke up again, everyone but Monty had left. His chest still ached, but he didn’t feel like dying anymore. He could survive this kind of pain.

              Monty hadn’t noticed he’d woken up. He was sitting cross-legged right by Jasper, preoccupied with taking apart a wristband. Jasper watched him for another few moments.

              “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice still full of sleep.

              Monty’s eyes snapped up. “You’re awake,” he said with a smile.

              “Of course,” Jasper replied, smiling back. “You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

              Monty laughed. He put down the wristband and pushed Jasper’s hair back off his forehead. “How are you feeling? Should I get Clarke?”

              Jasper shook his head. “I’m fine. I’ll be better in no time.”

              “Good,” Monty replied. “You’re not allowed to die.”

              “I’ll keep that in mind,” Jasper said. He tried to lean up, but Monty stopped him.

              “Hey,” he said softly. “It’s only been a few days. You need to rest.”

              “I’ve been resting this whole time,” Jasper mumbled back, letting Monty’s hand gently push him back down.

              “You got speared in the chest, Jasper,” Monty replied dryly.

              Jasper chuckled. “Oh, right. How could I forget?” He tried to keep his tone light, but his voice faltered a little and he clenched his jaw at the memory.

              Monty leaned forward, putting a comforting hand on Jasper’s wrist. “Seriously, Jasper. Are you okay?”

              “I’m good,” Jasper said quietly. He didn’t want to seem weak. “Really.” He could handle this.

              “You have to tell me if you’re not. Okay?” Monty looked at Jasper with sincerity and concern in his eyes, and Jasper wanted to cry.

              He smiled a little. “Okay.”

\---

              “It’s been a week,” Jasper said to Monty, trying to sound confident. “I’ll be fine.”

              “I know, Jasper,” Monty replied, rubbing his temples and frowning. “I’m not doubting you, okay? I just need you to be sure you’re ready. You don’t have to push yourself.”

              “I’m okay,” Jasper said, standing as tall as he could, ignoring the pain in his chest.

              “It’s okay if you need more time, you know,” Monty said softly, leaning towards Jasper and keeping a hand on his shoulder.

              Jasper just shrugged, trying to grin nonchalantly. “It’s no big deal.”

              “Yes, it _is,_ ” Monty replied firmly. “It _is_ a big deal.”

              Jasper clenched his jaw. “Other people have gotten hurt, too, and they’re fine. No one else has just stayed hiding in the camp.”

              Monty furrowed his brow, studying Jasper’s face. He stayed quiet for a few moments. Jasper tried not give away how nervous he was. “You almost died, Jasper. You get that, right?”

              “Yeah, you keep telling me,” Jasper replied. He shook his head. “I didn’t, though.”

              Monty smiled. “So let’s keep it that way.”

              “So let’s keep it that way,” Jasper repeated, smiling back. “It’ll be okay. I promise.” Jasper didn’t really want to leave camp. He’d have stayed there forever if his pride would let him. But he couldn’t keep feeling useless. He couldn’t keep feeling like a coward.

              “Do you want me to come with you?” Monty asked.

              Jasper shook his head. “Octavia said she’d go with me. I’ll be fine.”

              “Let me know if you change your mind,” Monty replied.

              Jasper smiled. He did want Monty to come with. He just really didn’t want to admit it. He didn't want to admit how much he needed Monty. 

\---

              Octavia led Jasper outside the wall, talking to him with gentle words and soothing tones as they got there.

              Jasper stopped after one step beyond the border, subconsciously bringing a hand to his chest where they spear had hit him. The memory of the pain, of being dragged through the forest and strung up, it flashed through his mind and made his breath short.

              He didn’t want to panic. He didn’t want to admit he was still scared. But he wanted to run back into camp and stay there forever, never risking getting killed again.

              He looked around at the trees and the soft green ferns, taking in the beauty of it all. He spent his whole life wanting to be on Earth. He hated space. He wanted to taste the air, to see the ground. It was still beautiful. He didn’t want to go back to space.

              But he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to be here either. The first few hours on the ground, the forest felt welcoming, safe. It felt like he belonged there, like the Earth was inviting him to stay. Now it felt like the trees were too tall, full of unknown dangers that Jasper had never been prepared for. 

              He took a deep breath, filling his lungs and ignoring the ache in his still-healing chest. He told himself that it was time to be brave. He told himself that he _was_ brave. He could do this.

              Or maybe he wasn’t. His breath caught in his throat, sticking at the back and making his feel nauseous. He had told Monty to stay behind, to keep working on the communications system.

              He wished he’d asked him to come along. Monty would have if he knew that Jasper needed him. Jasper wasn’t quite sure what he was trying to prove.

              “Hey,” Octavia said gently. “What’s wrong?”

              Jasper tried to snap out of it. “Oh, nothing. I’m good.” He swallowed his fear. He didn’t want anyone to know. He couldn’t let them know.

              “Jasper, it’s been a week, okay?” Octavia said. Her tone stung. “You’ve been given a second chance. You gotta use it.”

              Jasper inhaled sharply, trying to take a step forward, when Octavia was pulled roughly into the bushes. She screamed.

               “Octavia?” Jasper called. He tried to run after her, but his feet were glued to the ground. His breath quickened as he stared at where she’d disappeared. His hand twitched, and he tried to move forward again.

              He swallowed, wanting to fall down and cry, but he forced himself forward. “Octavia!” he called, his anxiety rising. “Are you okay?”

              He felt tense as he approached where she’d disappeared. What if she got hurt? What if she disappeared and it was his fault? What if she died and it was because he couldn’t move fast enough, because he was too afraid? What if-

              He flinched when another one of the delinquents jumped out at him, letting go of Octavia and laughing.

              Jasper wanted to disappear right then and there. He hated how afraid he was. He hated how he couldn’t move. He felt worthless.

              Octavia scolded the other guy, sending him away and glaring. Jasper wanted to tell her not to, to just let it go. He might as well get used to this.

              He turned around, heading back towards the entrance. He wanted to find Monty.

              “Jasper?” Octavia said, following after him. “Come on, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

              He tried to ignore her, tried to move faster. This wasn’t going to work. He couldn’t do this. His foot caught as he sped up and he fell to the ground. His eyes widened as the panic set it, as he saw the knife and the two human fingers right in front of him.

              He froze, unable to breath. He wanted to run. He wanted to hide. He wanted to throw up.

              This world wasn’t safe.

\---

              “The grounders didn’t kill Wells,” Clarke said softly, examining the knife that Jasper and Octavia had brought. “It was one of us.”

              Jasper felt sick. “So there’s a murderer in the camp?”

              “There’s more than one murder in this camp,” Bellamy replied dismissively. Jasper didn’t find that statement comforting.

              Clarke and Bellamy argued, but Jasper was just trying to keep himself calm. He already knew that the ground wasn’t safe. That the grounders were trying to kill them. The camp was the only place that felt okay.

              And now it didn’t. He stared at the knife in Clarke’s hand as she read out the initials. _John Murphy._ She stormed out of the tent, Bellamy following close behind.

              Jasper turned to Octavia.

              “Guess we should follow them,” she said, not sounding anywhere near as scared as Jasper felt. “See what this is all about.”

              Jasper swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. “Guess so,” he said, and he hoped she didn’t notice how his voice shook.

              She went after Bellamy and Clarke, and he trailed behind her.

              He picked a hell of a day to try to be brave again.

              As Clarke went right up to Murphy to confront him, a crowd began to gather. Jasper caught sight of Monty and immediately went to his side. He felt a little safer, like he could breathe again. Monty had always been there, and he was the only thing giving Jasper any sense of normalcy.

              Jasper and Monty exchanged a wary glace before turning back to the commotion. Jasper found himself inching and leaning towards Monty, trying to find a lifeline.

              He tried to regulate his breathing. He tried to stop his hands from shaking. It was one thing for the death and the murder to be outside the camp, but something else entirely for it to be inside. Jasper wanted to believe it would be okay, but he was having trouble.

              “You _hated_ Wells,” Clarke was saying, her tone accusatory.

              “Plenty of people hated Wells,” Murphy replied, just seeming irritated. “His father was the chancellor who locked us up.”

              “Yeah, but you’re the only one who got in a knife fight with him,” Clarke shot back.

              “Yeah, I didn’t kill him then, either,” Murphy retorted.

              “Tried to kill Jasper, too,” Octavia added from her place at Bellamy’s side.

              Jasper’s chest tightened. “What?” he said quietly, turning to Monty.

              Monty started to open his mouth, but he didn’t say anything. He just reached over and touched Jasper’s arm.

              _Oh my god,_ Jasper thought, his heartbeat getting harder. His chest ached. He dropped his gaze to the ground staring at his feet and trying to control himself. He felt the first pricks of tears in his eyes, but he clenched his jaw and swallowed, pushing them away. He couldn’t fall apart. Not here, not in front of everyone.

              But no one was denying that Murphy had tried to kill him. Jasper’s hands were shaking. How was he ever supposed to feel safe again? How was he ever supposed to _be_ safe again? He shifted on his feet.

              Monty squeezed his arm, bringing him back to reality. “I never would’ve let him,” he said softly.

              “But he tried?” Jasper replied.

              Monty didn’t say anything.

              It didn’t take long for the chaos to break out. People started chanting _“float him”_ and they all charged at Murphy, everyone yelling and scrambling.

              Jasper stumbled backwards a few steps, wide eyed. Monty steadied him.

              He didn’t want to watch, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. The mob mentality and the violence made his heart pound. It was too easy for everyone to become like this. Jasper wanted to stop them. He wanted to do something about this, even though Murphy had wanted to kill him. Even though Murphy might’ve done it if Monty hadn’t been there.

              More than anything, Jasper just wanted to hide from all of this. He wanted to disappear, to fade. He wanted to stop being afraid. He wanted to stop having so many reasons to be afraid.

              Jasper tried desperately to look away when they strung Murphy up. He managed to glance at the people cheering around him, but that was hardly a better thing to see. All of it was horrifying. Even knowing that Murphy had tried to kill him, Jasper didn’t want this.

              Bellamy stepped forward, kicking the supports from under Murphy. Jasper felt his stomach turn watching his body dangle. He grabbed on to Monty’s arm, but Monty didn’t seem to be faring much better than him. They were both just frozen, watching in horror with glassy eyes, barely hearing the shouting and screaming.

              Finn burst through, pushing between Jasper and Monty, yelling at Bellamy to cut Murphy down.

              Jasper stumbled to the side, shaken from his trance. He looked back at Monty, to see Monty already looking at him. He moved back over to Monty’s side, almost leaning against him as they turned back to the chaos.

              Jasper couldn’t breathe again until Murphy had been cut down, after he’d fallen to the ground.

              “You gonna be alright?” Monty asked Jasper under his breath.

              “Can’t worry about me right now,” Jasper whispered back.

\---

              Jasper stood with Monty and Octavia as Bellamy, Clarke, and Finn hid Charlotte back in the tent. They watched as Murphy paced in front of the crowd, face covered in his own drying blood, calling for Charlotte to be punished like he’d been.

              Jasper found himself trying to picture that little, innocent-looking girl murdering Wells. It wasn’t an appealing image to have flashing in his mind. He tried to get himself to think about anything else, but it kept circling back to all of this.

              Murphy was ranting and yelling, the fury radiating off him. The crowd kept its distance as he continued to pace.

              Jasper glanced around at the people, wondering how ashamed they felt, or how scared they were that Murphy would turn back to them, reminding them of what they’d just become. They were all just dead silent, staring ahead at the boy they’d almost killed.

              Jasper exchanged a glance with Monty.

              Monty shook his head. “This is insane.”

              Jasper sighed. “Welcome to Earth.”

              The tension was only growing. Jasper felt uneasy, antsy to be out of this situation.

              Bellamy came out of the tent, glaring right at Murphy. He tried to talk Murphy down, but Murphy wasn’t having it.

              He turned back to the crowd. “So who here wants to see the real murderer hung up? All in favor?” he asked, raising a hand.

              Jasper clenched his jaw, exchanging looks with Octavia and Monty. He looked over at the few people with their arms raised, feeling sick.

              On the Ark, the only punishment was death. Jasper always thought Earth would be better. Maybe that was just wishful thinking. Human beings were the same everywhere.

              “I see,” Murphy said, his voice dripping with contempt. “So it’s okay to string me up for _nothing,_ but when that little bitch confesses, you wanna let her walk?” He looked around at the crowd. Jasper watched people avoid his gaze. “Cowards! All of you are cowards.”

              “Hey! Murphy,” Bellamy said. “Enough. It’s over.”

              Murphy bowed his head, and Jasper got nervous. “Whatever you say, boss.”

              As Bellamy turned away, Murphy grabbed a log off the ground, slamming it against the back of Bellamy’s skull.

              Jasper saw Octavia lunge forward, screaming. He rushed after her, pulling her back. He kept an arm on her as he moved himself between her and Murphy. He tried to catch her gaze, calm her down. “No,” he tried to say, but as he looked back up, he saw Murphy’s fist come right at him.

              Jasper felt to the ground hard, keeping his arms over his head as the crowd rushed forward. A few people kicked or stepped on him as he tried to get up. He barely knew what was happening. Everything was moving so fast and his face was throbbing, the air expelled from his lungs.

              He felt someone grab one of his arms and pull him to his feet, dragging him out of the way of the crowd.

              Instinctively, he flinched away, flattening himself against a tree, breathing hard. He squeezed his eyes closed, tense everywhere. He felt another hand on his shoulder and he shoved it away, eyes snapping open.

              Monty was in front of him, his hand hovering in the air between them, looking concerned. “Jasper, it’s only me,” he said softly.

              “Sorry,” Jasper replied, breathless.

              “Hey, it’s okay,” Monty said, stepping forward slowly. He put his hands on Jasper’s shoulders. “You alright?”

              “I’m fine,” Jasper replied.

              Monty turned back to look at the commotion behind them. Jasper closed his eyes again. Murphy was still yelling. People were still screaming. Too much was going on.

              Monty squeezed Jasper’s shoulders, pulling him back. “Let’s get you back to camp. We don’t need to see any more of this.”

              Jasper just nodded, relieved. He glanced back at the mess they were leaving. How were they supposed to survive down here? He didn’t know it would be like this.

\---

              Jasper collapsed to the floor of the dropship, leaning against the wall with his legs stretched out in front of him. He closed his eyes, trying to call back the feelings he had when they first stepped off the ship and onto the dirt. Trying to call back the feelings he had when he and Monty would stare out the window at the distant planet, imagining some life where they could be there.

              He felt Monty sit down next to him, could practically feel his stare.

              “I’m okay, Monty,” he said softly, not opening his eyes. “Really.”

              “Jasper, you don’t have to pretend with me,” Monty told him, resting a hand on his forearm. “It’s okay if you’re not.”

              Jasper swallowed. “I’ll be okay,” he rephrased.

              “I know you _will_ ,” Monty replied. "That doesn't really help right now."

              "No," Jasper sighed. "It doesn't."

              Monty offered his hand and Jasper took it, squeezing a little too tight. "I'm here, Jasper."

              Jasper didn't stop himself from crying. He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, sitting in silence on the floor. 

\---

              Jasper stood with Octavia, Finn, and Clarke as they watched Monty with his almost-working communications device.

              “Will we be able to talk to them?” Clarke asked.

              “No,” Monty replied. “More like Morse code.” He turned back and smiled at Jasper. “You want to do the honors?”

              Jasper took a tentative step forward, eyes on Monty. Monty handed him the cord and he started to grin. It wasn’t all bad here, Jasper thought. He pinched the cord between his fingers, taking a breath. They could make this work. It would be okay.

              “That port right there,” Monty said, indicating.

              Jasper moved slowly, placing the cord as carefully as he could. As he let go, everything looked like it was going to be okay for a moment. Jasper almost let out a sigh of relief, when the wristband sparked and he pulled his hand away quickly.

              Jasper took a few steps backwards, eyes wide. What did he do wrong? How did he mess this up?

              “What happened?” Clarke asked, tense.

              “It didn’t work,” Monty replied, leaning forward to look at it. He squeezed his eyes closed, taking a deep breath. Jasper felt guilt in the pit of his stomach. “I think we fried all the wristbands.”

              There was a moment of pause, and Jasper started to open his mouth to apologize. Finn turned and left the room without a word. Clarke followed close behind him.

              Jasper walked towards the wall, falling against it and letting himself slide down it, pulling his knees towards his chest. Right when it seemed like things might be looking up. He didn’t even know what he’d done wrong, how he’d made Monty’s communications device break. Monty wasn’t the one who always made mistakes; it was him.

              Octavia crouched down next to him.

              “Sit there at your own risk,” Jasper said, his voice flat. “I think I might be cursed.”

              “Then call me a risk taker,” Octavia replied. “And Jasper, you’re not cursed.”

              Jasper looked up. The sincerity in her eyes was too much. “Unlucky, then.”

              “No,” Octavia said softly. “ _Brave.”_

              Jasper raised his eyebrows. “Brave,” he repeated, scoffing slightly. “For getting my face bashed in or for ruining any chance to contact the Ark?”

              “No, for standing up to a bully and trying to help everyone,” Octavia said, her voice gentle and sweet.

              Jasper looked at her, trying to keep himself from crying. “Yeah, and failing. Both times.”

              Octavia shot him a look. “I didn’t see anyone else step up. Did you?” She leaned forward. “And I don’t care how things turned out. You were brave to try. And bravery is always rewarded.”

              Jasper started to reply, started to try to disagree, when Octavia put her hand under his chin and kissed him. He was taken aback for a moment, pressing his back into the wall, confused.

              She pulled away and smiled before getting up to leave. Jasper just stared at her, his eyes wide. He looked up at Monty, who was already watching him. Monty smiled and Jasper let out a short chuckle.

              "See? Earth isn't so bad after all," Monty said. 

              Jasper tried to smile. He could see that Monty was just trying to be optimistic, keep things light. He appreciated it. But it didn't change anything. Jasper couldn't see how any part of this was going to be okay, not after all of this. 

              He just kept telling himself that at least he had Monty here with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, I'd like to know what you think of this. Also if you're as bitter as me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1.05 + the beginning of 1.06.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper and Monty weren't in 1.05, and Monty wasn't in 1.06. Monty is an underutilized character. Anyway, this is more Jasper than Monty at the moment, unfortunately. Canon isn't giving me all that much to work with. Aren't we all shocked.   
> Also, I apologize if things aren't accurate to the show (i.e. life on the Ark), but I'm not going to check. I'm just gonna make stuff up sometimes, and that is the situation.

              Monty nudged Jasper with his foot. Jasper mumbled slightly and turned over, still very much asleep. Monty nudged him harder.

              It had taken Jasper a really long time to fall asleep, so Monty was trying to be reasonable, but it was already almost midday. Jasper couldn’t just sulk and sleep forever.

              The glow of happiness after the kiss with Octavia had worn off relatively fast last night. Jasper spent some time smiling again, but it didn’t take long for his chest to hurt. For his bruises to ache. For him to look at the broken electronic remains communications device.

              Monty knew Jasper. He knew that things always hit him pretty hard, whether they were good or bad. Jasper had a tendency to live in extremes. He could get so excited, so full of enthusiasm and joy, but he could get really, really low, too. It was always like that.

              Last night, Jasper had told Octavia he was cursed. Monty knew that on some level, Jasper believed that. After the way the last few days had gone, Monty couldn’t blame him. Their time on Earth had had a rough start. Monty wanted to make sure that Jasper was going to be okay.

              Jasper mumbled again, this time twitching in his sleep a little. Monty frowned and leaned forward, trying to decipher any words. Jasper clenched his fist slightly in his sleep.

              Monty watched carefully, trying to catch signs of distress. He remembered a time when they were ten, when he’d woken up to Jasper crying in his sleep on the floor.

_Monty blinked the sleep from his eyes rapidly. Jasper was trembling on the floor, curled up and whimpering. Monty slid from his bed to the floor quickly, kneeling next to Jasper. His hand hovered for a moment over Jasper’s shoulder._

_Jasper flinched in his sleep, and Monty grabbed his shoulder and shook it. “Jasper!” he hissed._

_Jasper scrambled up, frantically backing himself into the wall, sending his deflated pillow and thin blanket into Monty’s chest. Monty tentatively inched forward._

_“Jasper,” he said evenly. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”_

_Jasper shook his head vehemently. “It’s not,” he said, his voice shaking. He curled into himself, his head down and his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. “It’s not it’s not it’s not.” His shoulder began shaking as he quietly sobbed._

_Monty frowned and pulled himself a little closer to Jasper. “It was just a bad dream,” he offered. He remembered a few months ago, when he was having bad dreams about his mom being floated and Jasper cheered him up with stories and jokes. He tried to think of something good to say, something that would make Jasper feel better, but he couldn’t._

_“Something happened yesterday,” Jasper said softly. “At lunch.”_

_“What happened?” Monty’s heart started beating faster._

_“I took something.” Jasper rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand. “More than my ration. I was just… I was really hungry, and I thought no one was looking and I just… I grabbed… I grabbed extra bread.”_

_Monty tilted his head to the side. “That’s nothing we haven’t done before,” he said softly. The rations tended to be more sparse for the kids in their stations. It was supposed to be even, but everyone knew it wasn’t really. Jasper and Monty had both taken extra before to compensate, both for themselves and their parents. Not often enough for anyone keeping track to notice, but it happened._

_Jasper just shook his head. “You don’t understand. Wells saw me. I was in the middle of stuffing my face, and I looked up, and Wells, he was_ staring _at me.”_

_“Wells?” Monty said quietly. “Wells_ Jaha _? As in… The Chancellor’s son?”_

_The buzzing from the overhead light seemed to get louder. Jasper nodded miserably. “I’m gonna get floated,” he mumbled._

_“You don’t know that,” Monty said, but he was afraid, too._

_“He’s gonna tell his dad, and I’m gonna be arrested and I’m gonna get floated,” Jasper said. He buried his head further into his knees._

_There was a knock at the door and they both jumped. Monty’s eyes locked on Jasper’s and he saw the raw fear. Monty grabbed Jasper’s arm and squeezed tight, moving so that he was between his friend and the door. There was a tense, tight moment of silence._

_There was another knock. “Boys?” Monty’s mother said through the door. “Are you two alright in there?”_

_Monty looked at Jasper and they both burst out laughing, a little overwhelmed by the relief. Monty leaned his shoulder into Jasper’s, covering his mouth as they both unraveled into semi-hysterical laughter._

              Monty sighed. He couldn’t tell if this was a nightmare or not. Jasper was just mumbling and twitching.

              He waited a few more moments before kicking Jasper’s leg.

              Jasper finally opened his eyes. He started to lean up, before wincing and rolling onto his back. He looked at the ceiling of the dropship and sighed.

              “You were dreaming,” Monty said. He wanted to ask if it was a good dream or a bad dream, but he couldn’t make the words come out.

              “Yeah,” Jasper said flatly. He didn’t elaborate further.

              “Sorry,” Monty started. “But it was getting too late to sleep. Everyone else is up.”

              “Earth was supposed to be different,” Jasper replied. He blinked slowly.

              “We still have to wake up,” Monty said. He didn’t quite understand what Jasper was trying to say. He tried not to think about how on the Ark, they were always on the same page. He tried not to think about how Jasper felt so far away.

              Jasper sighed again, furrowing his brow. “I guess we do.”

              Monty didn’t say anything. What was he supposed to say?

\---

              Jasper had managed to avoid the majority of the crisis today, hearing only secondhand things or distant yelling. He knew that someone else had fallen from the sky. He knew that Bellamy had destroyed the radio she’d brought with her. And he knew that the ground was still full of nightmares and monsters.

              He had spent most of the day in hiding in the camp. His short venture outside the walls hadn’t been comforting, and it just seemed like everything he did ended up going badly. He figured it might be best to lay low. Hope everyone just forgot he was here.

              He knew why they were setting off the flares. Monty had told him about what they said was happening on the Ark. The culling of three hundred people to save everyone else. The sacrifice for a few more months of oxygen.

              The thought crossed Jasper’s mind: if people knew that they were dying anyway, maybe they’d sign up. Sign up to miss the worst of the end of their people. Sign up to offer smarter, more capable people the chance to live. Jasper wondered what it would be like, to know your time was limited, to come to terms with your own death.

              In Jasper’s imagination, it was almost freeing. He could picture knowing that he only had a few months left. He could picture coming to peace with the end of his life. At least that way, it would be on his terms, and not from a hostile person with a spear.

              Earth wasn’t any easier than the Ark, and both places seemed like they were coming to an end. For once in Jasper’s life, he didn’t know where he’d rather be. On which planet would you rather face your own mortality?

              “It’s kind of beautiful,” Monty said, bring Jasper out of his thoughts. “If you don’t think about why we’re doing it.”

              “I guess,” Jasper said, watching the flares across the sky.

              “Like fireworks,” Monty said. “I always wanted to see fireworks.”

              Jasper smiled a little. He remembered reading about fireworks with Monty, trying to picture it. “Yeah, me too.”

              Monty gave him a sidelong glance. “You know what would make this cooler?”

              Jasper’s smile grew into a grin. “Weed?”

              Monty laughed. “Yeah. Can you imagine?”

              “You know, I can,” Jasper replied, laughing too.

              Monty looked up, letting out a long sigh. “Do you think this is actually what fireworks looked like?”

              The flares flew across the sky, leaving trails of light behind them. Jasper studied the way the smoke looked, the way the light traveled. “Maybe,” he replied. “It’s not how I pictured it.”

              Monty nudged him gently in the arm. “Nothing on Earth seems to be what we pictured, huh?”

              Jasper felt his chest sink a little, thinking about all he had imagined, the innocent dreams of what the world would be like on the ground. Monty nudged him again and Jasper looked over at him.

              Monty smiled when Jasper met his eyes. “But hey, you know what? I’m glad we’re both here. This… I wouldn’t trade this for anything.”

              His sincerity made Jasper’s face feel a little warm. He rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “Not even some moonshine?” he joked, trying to cut the tension he felt.

              Monty laughed. “Well, that might help.”

              Jasper looked back up at the flares, imagining the Ark far beyond them. He chewed the inside of his lip. “I’m glad I’m not up there,” he said, and he realized he meant it.

              “Me too,” Monty replied. He furrowed his brow, searching the sky like if he looked hard enough, he could see their former home. “I hope they’re okay.”

              Jasper felt the Earth beneath his feet and took a deep breath of the sweet smelling air. It was all he’d ever wanted. He thought of his parents. Monty’s parents. “All we can do is hope they make it down here, too,” he replied.

\---

              Later that night, Bellamy woke up everyone in the camp with the announcement that Octavia was missing. Jasper scrambled to his feet, getting to the front of the crowd to listen to Bellamy talk. She’d been missing for twelve hours.

              Monty watched Jasper’s face harden and felt his heart pound.

              Jasper stepped toward the pile of weapons, feeling more determined than afraid, if barely.

              Clarke put her hand out as he got close. “Hey, Jasper, you don’t have to do this,” she said gently, the fire from her torch illuminating her concerned expression. “You haven’t left camp since we brought you back.”

              The reminder stung. It didn’t seem like she meant to throw his cowardice back at him, but Jasper still tensed. _I have to be brave._ “Clarke,” he said, his voice low and serious. “I need to do this.”

              “We need all the people we can get,” Bellamy said as he approached.

              Jasper swallowed hard and nodded. He _had_ to do this. Octavia was the one who brought him those few steps outside of camp. _Octavia_ was the one who told him he was brave. Who reassured him just the other day, when he was falling apart.

              It was dark, and it was cold, and Jasper was afraid. He still had pain in his chest, and he still had the ring of a bruise around his eye, and he could still hear the hiss of the spear through the air, but he could be brave. He could prove that he was brave.

              After picking up a weapon, Monty stopped him near the edge of the crowd.

              “Jasper, are you sure about this?” Monty asked softly.

              Jasper gave a stiff nod. “I have to go. I have to help find her.”

              “I could go with you,” Monty offered.

              The wind howled around camp, and Jasper flinched at the noise.

              Monty immediately stepped forward, putting a hand on Jasper’s arm. “Seriously, they have this covered. Don’t go,” he said, his voice tight.

              Jasper forced himself to step away. He wasn’t going to back down for anything, not even for Monty, definitely not from being startled by the freaking wind. “Monty. I have to,” he said, mustering up all the courage he could.

              Monty paused before nodding. He hesitated before giving Jasper a quick, tight hug. “Come back in one piece,” he said.

              “Hey, I was in one piece last time,” Jasper tried to joke. Monty didn’t laugh. He took a breath. “I’ll be fine.”

              Monty forced a tense smile. “I know you will.”

              Jasper couldn’t say anything to that. He didn’t want to admit how much it meant to him to hear that. He just nodded before turning away, heading towards the rest of the search party without looking back.

\---

              Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the lights in the sky. Jasper looked up, at what appeared to be a cluster of shooting stars. It looked closer to how he’d imagined fireworks. He was mesmerized for a moment, wanting to go back and see what Monty thought, before he heard Raven.

              “They didn’t work,” Raven said. “They didn’t see the flares.”

              Jasper’s head snapped back down to the ground, to the teenagers around him. He had a sinking feeling that he knew what Raven meant.

              “A meteor shower tells you that?” Bellamy replied.

              “It’s not a meteor shower, it’s a funeral,” Clarke said, her voice shaking. “Hundreds of bodies being returned to the Earth from the Ark. This is what it looks like from the other side.”

              Jasper swallowed hard, feeling the beginning sting of tears in his eyes. The rush of emotion was startling. He couldn’t help but wonder if his parents were up there, being sent down to Earth in death. Or Monty’s parents. A few hours ago, he’d seen the flares, and he’d hoped.

              “They didn’t get our message,” Clarke said.

              “This is all because of you!” Raven snapped, heading for Bellamy until Finn and Clarke pulled her back.

              “Hey, I helped you find the radio,” Bellamy said, putting his hand up.

              “Yeah, after you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!” she sneered back.

              “Yeah, he knows,” Clarke said, her voice calm. She looked toward Bellamy. “Now he has to live with it.”

              Jasper followed her gaze and saw Bellamy’s jaw tense before he looked back up at the sky.

              “All I know is that my sister is out there and I’m gonna find her,” Bellamy replied. “You coming or what?” He paused. “What are we waiting for? Move out.” He turned and marched towards the woods.

              Jasper looked back at Clarke and Finn, then glanced at Bellamy again. The search party was leaving. His heart pounded harder.

              “We have to talk to them,” Clarke said. “Three hundred won’t be enough. The oxygen levels will just keep dropping. If we don’t tell them that they can survive down here, they’ll kill more people. They have to.”

              “Guys,” Jasper said, his voice weak. He couldn’t take much more of this. He could feel a lump growing in his throat. “They’re leaving. We gotta go.”

              Finn started forward, but stopped for a few more moments to talk. Jasper turned to look at the dark forest again. He was starting to get antsy. He didn’t want to lose his nerve. The rest of the group was nearly out of sight.

              “Finn?” Jasper interjected, turning back to the others. “We’re not gonna find her without you.”

              As they walked out, Jasper turned back one more time, right at the gate. His eyes met with Monty’s. He tried to smile. Monty offered a quick smile in return, nodding like he believed Jasper would make it back again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1.06

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned next time for more Monty content.   
> Please comment, let me know what you think. If you're still as bitter as I am and all that.

              They walked mostly in silence, Jasper gripping his torch and trying not to jump at any small noise. He had to keep his mind focused on Octavia. She was missing and she needed help. He just had to remember that. Be brave, stay calm. Freaking out wasn’t going to help anything.

              “You alright?” Finn asked Jasper under his breath.

              Jasper tensed at the question. “Fine,” he replied.

              “Look, over here!” someone called from the darkness.

              Jasper glanced at Finn before heading for the voice. _Be brave._

              “Is that Octavia’s?” Jasper heard someone say as they approached the rest of the search party.

              “Rope,” Bellamy ordered.

              “What are you doing?” Finn asked when they got to the crowd.

              “We need the rope to get back up,” Bellamy replied.

              Jasper looked down the steep hill and felt his hands start to tremble. He took a breath, told himself to calm down. Octavia could be hurt somewhere, and he couldn’t hide or run away. He couldn’t just keep staying in camp like a coward.

              Bellamy lowered himself down the steep hill and Jasper watched as he picked something up.

              “It’s hers,” he called back up. “I’m going all the way down.”

              Jasper glanced at the others briefly, pushing his fear away. He had to do this. He walked to the rope, handing Finn his torch. He took a deep breath before gripping the rope and lowering himself to where Bellamy was.

              When he got there, he saw the blood on Bellamy’s fingers, then more on the rock on the ground. He felt his heart drop into his stomach as he imagined all the ways Octavia could be hurt. He barely heard Finn come down behind him.

              “Someone else was here,” Bellamy said.

_Of fucking course,_ Jasper thought to himself.

              “The prints are deeper going that way,” Finn said, pointing at the ground. “He was carrying her.”

              Jasper’s throat tightened as he remembered the vague images of the forest floor as he was being dragged. Snapshots of pain and voices flashed through his mind. He took a breath, trying to force his memories away. “If they took her, she’s alive,” he said, feeling nauseated as the words came out. But it meant there was hope. “Like when they took me.”

              Bellamy got to his feet and headed forward, Jasper and Finn following close behind.

\---

              They kept walking quietly for a little while longer. Before Jasper saw anything else, he saw Finn freeze and a look of horror cross his face. Jasper kind of saw Finn as the brave one, the adventurer, so he froze too, immediately unsettled.

              Then he looked up and saw the skeletons suspended in the trees.

              “I don’t speak Grounder,” Finn said. “But I’m pretty sure this means keep out.”

              “This is crazy,” someone said behind them.

              “I’m out of here,” someone else said, spinning around to head back.

              “Me too,” another kid said.

              Jasper looked back at them, dismayed. His stomach turned, the dwindling group less than comforting. But he wasn’t turning around.

              “Go back if you want,” Bellamy said. “My sister, my responsibility.” He stalked forward without hesitation.

              Jasper took a deep breath, swallowing. He glanced over at Finn. “I’d walk into hell to find her,” he said, glaring in front of him. He stepped forward, following Bellamy and not looking back.

              “I think we just did,” Finn said, walking a step behind him.

\---

              Jasper felt like there were eyes in the trees watching them as they walked. They’d lost some of the search party at the hill and the blood. They lost most of the rest at the skeletons. If they met any Grounders in the forest now, they wouldn’t have numbers on their side.

              Jasper didn’t regret coming. He refused to. If there was any slim chance of finding Octavia, Jasper had to try. It was more than having a crush on her. It was more than having already saved her life once. It was even more than the fact that the last person that had to be rescued from the Grounders was Jasper, and he wanted to prove he had been worth the trouble.

              Octavia had told Jasper he was brave. He was going to prove her right.

              Jasper wasn’t going to lose his nerve. Each time the fear rose in his chest, Jasper pictured Monty back at camp, reminded himself of the certainty in Monty’s voice. _I know you will._ If Monty could believe that Jasper would be okay, then Jasper could, too.

              Jasper wasn’t sure exactly how long they walked, but the sky got lighter. The mist in the air burned away. As the night faded, they still hadn’t found Octavia, or even another solid sign that she’d been there.

              He told himself not to lose hope.

              “I got nothing,” Finn said finally. “We lost the trail.”

              “Keep looking,” Bellamy replied.

              “Wandering around aimlessly isn’t the way to find your sister,” Finn said. “We should backtrack—”

              “I’m not going back,” Bellamy insisted.

              Jasper was inclined to agree with Bellamy, and was about to say something when- “Hey, where’s John?” 

              The air felt like it got still. Jasper turned, looking for John. He frowned, almost confused for a moment. “I just saw him a second ago,” he said, more to himself than to anyone else. Fear began creeping up his spine, and his chest started throbbing where the spear had hit him.

              “Spread out, he couldn’t have that gotten far,” Bellamy said, sounding impatient.

              Jasper started to turn when he heard a thump on the ground behind him. He looked back, clenching his jaw, to see one of the other boys, dead on the ground.

              Finn looked up, breathing deeply. “They use the trees,” he said.

              Jasper swallowed hard, looking up at the branches. He remembered the feeling he’d had of being watched. His pulse pounded in his ears. An image of himself, strung up and shirtless, flashed in his mind. He couldn’t force the image away. He wasn’t even sure if it was a memory.

              He looked around, barely breathing. “There,” he whispered to the others, pointing through the trees at a distant figure, moving swiftly. “Right there.”

              “We should run,” Finn said softly.

              Jasper hesitated, staring through the trees, until Bellamy and Finn took off. Jasper took one glance back at the dead boy before racing after them.

 ---

              He wasn’t sure how long they’d been running. They kept having to change direction, and Jasper had almost run into a tree more than once.

              “Just keep running!” someone shouted.

              Jasper couldn’t catch his breath anymore. His legs were burning.

              “I can’t run much longer!” Jasper yelled to no one in particular.

              “I’m not stopping for him,” someone yelled back, and Jasper’s stomach knotted.

              Bellamy stopped. “I’m sick of running anyway. They know where she is.”

              Jasper stumbled to a stop near him, just in time to see a couple of the other delinquents run off again. He glanced at Finn and Bellamy and followed as they both ran after the others. One boy ran straight into a trap that left him dead, stabbed through the chest with long sharp spikes.

              Jasper came to a stop, pulling his gaze away from the dead boy’s face to scan the trees. A cold realization hit him. “They were leading us here,” he said, out of breath. “It’s the only direction we could run in.”

              Bellamy started to run after the girl who’d fled, and Finn and Jasper followed.

              When they found the girl, she was pinned to a tree, with a spear driven through her chest. Jasper got cold when he saw it, his skin crawling and his breathing shallow. That’s what he must’ve looked like. That’s how he could’ve died. His throat felt like it was closing up.

              He couldn’t afford to panic but, damn, this was getting him close. How the _hell_ did he survive that? Why him, but not this girl? A wave of guilt hit him. He survived this same injury. What right did he have to be alive, to be here, when this girl died?

              “They can kill us whenever they want,” Finn said softly.

              Jasper clenched his jaw. _Of course they can_. He couldn’t let himself be afraid, but he could let himself be angry. He shoved the fear, the guilt, the horror, deep within himself, somewhere he wouldn’t have to see it.

              “Then they should get it _over with_!” he yelled, turning to glare into the trees. “Just COME ON!” His throat scratched and his chest ached and directing the anger outwards was the most relief he’d felt in days.

              Finn rushed over to him, reaching a hand to Jasper’s arm. Jasper ignored him.

              “We know you’re out there!” he kept going. “You want to kill us? Just—”

              Finn tugged Jasper’s jacket, pulling him backwards. Jasper saw figures emerge from the trees, dressed in dark colors and adorned with sharp spikes. He _remembered_ that clothing, he realized. From the people who’d dragged him through the trees, cauterized his wound, and stung him up as bait. He could see them _now,_ looking up from the ground as the pain from his chest consumed him.

              He nearly fell over from the vividness of the memory, of the pain. His head swiveled from side to side, looking from one of the figures to the next. The remainder of the search party huddled closer as the Grounders approached from all sides.

_I’m going to die here. I’m going to die like this,_ Jasper thought to himself. He was almost relieved. He didn’t really believe he should’ve survived the spear. Why should he survive this? 

              But there was Monty again, saying he’d be fine and appearing to believe it. Or Octavia calling him brave. Jasper gripped the makeshift weapon in his fist and set his jaw, trying to straighten his spine. He wasn’t going to die here. He didn’t _want_ to die here.

              And then a horn sounded, and the Grounders stopped coming forward. The horn sounded again, and they turned to leave. Jasper stared, uncertain.

              “They’re leaving,” Bellamy said.

              “That horn,” Jasper said. “What does it mean?” His voice shook slightly. If the Grounders were fleeing…

              “Acid fog,” Finn replied, pulling out a tarp.

              Jasper’s heart beat hard. There was never going to be a second to breathe easy on Earth. They all crowded under the tarp, which felt thinner than ever.

              The anticipation was the part that felt like torture. Jasper wondered what was happening back at camp. Or on the Ark.

              “How long are we supposed to wait?” he finally asked, after the silence got to be too much for him.

              Bellamy stuck his head back out, and Jasper held his breath. “There’s no fog,” Bellamy said, getting back up.

              “Maybe it was a false alarm,” Finn said as the rest of them followed suit.

              Bellamy was looking towards the trees, lips in a hard line. “They’re coming back.”

              Jasper followed Bellamy’s gaze towards the single figure in the woods. He scanned the rest of the trees. “I think he’s alone,” he said, keeping his voice low.

              “Now can we run?” Monroe asked.

              “He doesn’t see us,” Bellamy replied. “I’m going after him.”

              “And what?” Finn said. “Kill him?”

              “No. Catch him.” Bellamy kept his eyes trained on the man. “Make him tell me where Octavia is. Then kill him.” He started forward, following the Grounder.

              Jasper kept watching the man. “How do we know he’s not leading us into another trap?”

              “We don’t,” Finn replied simply.

              “Right,” Jasper said with a thin sigh. _Of course._ “Well, we came to find Octavia. I’m not stopping until we do.” He followed Bellamy, surprised at the certainty in his own voice. If she was being hurt like he’d been, Jasper needed to find her. He didn’t want anyone else to go through what he went through.

              Finn patted Jasper on the shoulder as they slunk through the trees. “Just another day on Earth, huh?”

              Jasper forced a chuckle. _Yeah, just another day on Earth._

\---

              They followed the Grounder into a dark cavern. Jasper felt like his heartbeat was so loud that the Grounder would hear it and come for them. Maybe finish him off this time.

              The stone walls felt like they were closing in, and Jasper’s eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkness. It was damp and cold in there, and Jasper found it hard to picture Octavia unhurt in here. Or even alive. It didn’t look like a place where living people would be.

              They heard some commotion up ahead, and Bellamy signaled for them to stop and stay quiet. There was a thump, like someone falling to the ground, and the group started forward again.

              They rounded the corner where they’d seen the Grounder disappear, and Jasper saw two figures in the dark. One lying on the floor, and one hunched over. He feared the worst for a few moments. Until Octavia turned to face them, with clear, wide eyes.

              “Bellamy?” she said, her voice filled with relief.

               “Octavia,” Bellamy said, rushing forwards. He started unlocking the chained that held her to the wall.

              Finn walked forward, stopping to hover near the Grounder on the floor. Jasper just kept his eyes on Octavia, barely believing they’d found her alive. He smiled, relief flooding him. She was alright. They’d _found_ her.

              After Octavia hugged Bellamy, she turned to Jasper and his smile grew. “How did you find me?” she asked, walking forward to hug him, too.

              “Followed him,” Jasper said, indicating to the man on the ground. Octavia threw her arms around him, and he chuckled a little in surprise as her hugged her back, happiness warming his skin. She was okay. Everything was going to be okay. Jasper let the optimism tentatively come back to him. They could survive this.

              “We should go. Now,” Octavia said, pulling away from Jasper. “Before he wakes up.”

              Bellamy picked up a weapon. “He’s not going to wake up.”

              “Bellamy, stop,” Octavia said, stepping in front of him. “He didn’t hurt me, let’s just go.”

              Jasper glanced back at the exit. He was inclined to agree with Octavia. Now that they’d found her, he sort of wanted to run right back to camp without stopping.

              “They started this,” Bellamy said. He readied the weapon. Finn was crouched on the ground by the unconscious man. “Finn, move.”

              “Foghorn,” Finn said softly, studying something hanging from the man’s clothes.

              He didn’t have a chance to say anything else. The man lunged for him, stabbing him in the stomach. Jasper barely had time to react before the man had kicked Bellamy’s legs out from under him. He scrambled back to his feet, lunging for the man, weapon in hand.

              The man caught it before Bellamy could do anything, and they struggled for a moment, before Bellamy was on the ground with a spear aimed at his neck.

              Jasper could feel flashes of memories catching up to him before he pushed them away again. But that didn’t stop the suffocating fear from rising in his chest. Blood rushed in his ears and he gripped his weapon, moving forward and striking the man on the back of the head so he fell back down.

              Jasper’s hands were shaking. He didn’t let himself hesitate, before kneeling on the ground beside Finn. He felt the color drain from his face and he watched Finn struggle to breathe.

              He saw the knife sticking out of Finn, and his stomach turned. He couldn’t bear to look at it. He reached forward, wanting to pull the knife out, wanting more to go back in time and stop the grounder from stabbing him in the first place.

              “Don’t touch that,” Bellamy ordered, getting to his feet. “We have to get him back to camp.”

              Jasper nodded, not taking his eyes off the knife.  _There's never going to be any time to breathe, is there?_

\---

              They rushed back to camp. Bellamy carried Finn, and Octavia leaned on Jasper. Jasper couldn’t even enjoy the proximity, or appreciate that Octavia had survived. Finn, the brave adventurer, Jasper’s new friend, seemed like he was already dying.

              Jasper tried to move quickly, but he hadn’t slept, and they’d already walked and run so far. His legs were growing numb. They could only move so fast. _I’ll never forgive myself if we don’t make it there in time._

              “Clarke!” Jasper yelled when they got within earshot. “Where’s Clarke?” She’d saved him, surely she could save Finn, too. Jasper didn’t want to see anyone else die today.

              Clarke ran forward, meeting them right at the gate. “Finn,” she said, her eyes wide. “Oh my god.”

              They moved Finn to the dropship, Clarke yelling orders and running to follow them.

              Jasper felt nauseous. And tired. And empty. He wanted to find Monty. Wind howled through the camp and dark gray clouds moved overhead.


End file.
